Here’s to the Crazy Ones: Teaching English in Spain

Last year (well, last school year), I thought I found the perfect job:

  • I was working in a primary school.
  • The school was bilingual, and the kids could understand me.
  • The kids were mainly wonderful, and I loved working with them.
  • The school was fairly close to my house. (For Madrid standards)
  • I felt confident and happy.

Too good to be true? In my experience here in Spain, yes. Way too good to be true. I wasn’t waiting for the other shoe to drop, but when it did … it made a bang!

About a month after I started working, my co-teacher disappeared. I was working with sexto de primaria, the last year of Spanish elementary school. The kids in sexto take an English exam (Cambridge), and they are very serious about it. Thus, I was working with only two classes, which is rather unusual for an English assistant. It didn’t bother me, though, because I really enjoyed them. The teacher, however, was quite another story. Let’s call her Teresa. (Helpful hint: Her name wasn’t Teresa.)

Teresa was an odd bird. She didn’t know much English, which is perplexing, since she taught English. Afterwards I would learn that she used to be a Spanish-language teacher, a fact that cleared things up. Every day, upon entering the classroom, she would bark, “Raise the blinds!” to the children. There was just one problem: she pronounced blinds as “bleends,” with a long /iː/ sound. Thick of the word bleeds, and add an N. Many of the kids knew this proununciation was incorrect and would ask me why I didn’t correct her. (“Because she’s bat-shit crazy, that’s why!” I said in my mind as I just smiled vaguely back at them. She also told them shooting stars were rockets, another thing they approached me about.) After the ceremonial blind-raising ceremony, I would take a group of students with me. The students were divided up into groups based on level, A to D. The A students were my favorites (I know, I know, I’m biased) because we could have actual conversations, and they were mostly well behaved.

Well, one day Teresa fell or something and hurt her knee. She wasn’t elderly, so I didn’t expect this to keep her out for more than a few days. NOPE.

Teresa was gone for a month!

She left no notes or lesson plans. She never really told the directora, the principal, when she would be returning. So they never got a substitute. May I repeat? They never got a sub. They just left me there to my own devices. Sometimes a teacher who was de guardia(on call, so to speak) would show up and observe, as though I were running a mildly-interesting clinic on the English language. But mostly I taught the class by myself. For a month.

It helps to keep in mind that I am not a certified teacher—not in Spain nor in the U.S. I did have experience, but still—this crap isn’t supposed to be allowed. I made the best of it. We did lesson after lesson. We played “Around the World” with past-perfect verbs. We did a few science experiments with magnets. I taught the class. Me. And I did a good job! The principal (who in Spain also teaches) observed the class and told me what a great job I was doing. Other teachers remarked that I seemed to be handling myself well.

One day a substitute finally came. He seemed sweaty and nervous, and he asked me what he was supposed to do. The certified, qualified, Spanish teacher of English asked me. “Um, teach?” was what I wanted to tell him. But instead I showed him what we had been doing. And then I led the class as he watched from the back of the room.

The next day Teresa returned, in all her glory. By glory I mean terror. Teresa stood about 5’7” tall and was constantly moving her legs, as though she couldn’t help herself. I don’t know why, but it seemed like a nervous tic that, in turn, unsettled me. The electric-blue eyeliner she wore day after day served to accentuate her face, caked with ghost-white foundation. (Do they sell that? It seems that she found the whitest shade possible.) I admit to being relieved that the real teacher was back, even if she did scare me.

Soon after, Teresa got crazier. One day I was on a break and popped a piece of gum in my mouth. Teresa barged in the room and berated me for chewing gum, because the kids aren’t allowed. I happened to be using my phone to look up some exam-prep questions. She told me in no uncertain terms that I damn well better have been using that for schoolwork. Not that I had anything to prove to her, but I told her that I indeed was using it for work. Harrumphing, she left. There were several more instances of her making me feel uncomfortable and unwelcome, including making me teach in front of her so she could criticize my every move.

Then one day a student’s parent came to pay her a visit. The parent was angry because Teresa wasn’t including students from groups C and D in the exam-preparation sessions. Quite reasonably, the parent thought her child should be allowed to at least try. Well, Teresa and the mother got into an angry shouting match, and Teresa said the mother followed her down the street, yelling all the while. Her story didn’t quite add up. This led to Teresa having a time out in the principal’s office.

After all this controversy (and the sharp reprimand from the principal!), Teresa decided that I was out for her job, that I wanted her fired. Ridiculous! I couldn’t care less about her employment status so long as she left me alone. She told me she wanted to work with some other auxiliar, one with more empuje (drive). This enraged me. I don’t have DRIVE? After teaching the class by myself and preparing all the lessons? That was a bit rich. The principal didn’t want this. So I wrote the principal an email expressing my feelings and saying I wished to work with another teacher, that I couldn’t work with Teresa anymore. Teresa found out about this email and sent me to the computer lab, so I could print it out—so she would “know what had been said.” I felt so nervous, almost sick to my stomach. Again I talked with the principal, who insisted I didn’t have to do anything of the kind. So I told Teresa that I wouldn’t be doing it.

Wrong answer! Her eyes were like daggers as she stared me down at the break table.

I ended up going to the Madrid education office on Gran Vía to complain. They tried to work it out, but nothing could be done. Curiously enough, they told me that, because of what Teresa had done to me, they were looking into getting her removed from the school. This was of little comfort to me, but I appreciated the effort.

This year, I am working at another school—this time a high school. The students have a bit more of an attitude, but the teachers make all the difference. So far no crazy. So far so good.

If you’re an auxiliar, have you had any unpleasant experiences at your school or past schools?

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Spanish News: What’s Happening Now

Spain in the News: March 2014

I am not very good at keeping up with the news. I don’t watch the news broadcasts; I don’t buy a newspaper. The most I do is follow Spain’s three big national newspapers on Facebook. (Those three being ABC, El Mundo, and El País.) However, in a concerted effort to know more about my world, I’m committing to write posts like these—updating you on what’s been happening lately in Spain. I’ll link to these stories in English, though many of you may read Spanish.

Adolfo Suárez, Spain’s First Democratically-Elected Prime Minister, Dies

Adolfo Suarez Spain Prime Minister

Adolfo Suárez was 81 years old when he died, and he could no longer remember leading Spain, due to a debilitating case of Alzheimer’s disease, which he suffered from for nearly ten years. He served as prime minister from 1976 to 1981. During that time, his regime implemented democratic reforms and held Spain’s first free elections since 1936, prior to Spain’s civil war. Suárez inspired a lot of love and loyalty, and the crowds came out to pay their respects—more than 30,000 of them turned up to say farewell to him during his funeral procession.


So You’re Dating a Spaniard—Zac

Hey all! I’m back today with a slightly different perspective on what it means to date a Spaniard. This interview is from September (I know, I know: I’m a terrible blogger), so the dates they’ve been dating are slightly longer than he says.

Dating a Spaniard Zac

Zac in Madrid

Let’s see, my name is Zac, I’m 23 and I (like so many other Americans in Spain) am an Auxiliar de Conversacion. I’m from a small, tourist town in Arizona and I decided to come to Spain to be with my Spaniard, David, after graduating and having a short-lived attempt at teaching English in China.

How did you meet your significant other?


American Cartoons in Spain: Do You Know Who Triki Is?

If you’ve never been to Spain, you may not realize that a lot of American movies are shown here, but not with subtitles. No, instead they’re dubbed into the Spanish language, and often the title is changed—sometimes for obvious reasons. You see, The Bucket List title just wouldn’t work in Spain, where they don’t use the idiom “to kick the bucket,” meaning “to die.” Sure, they have their own idioms, but the title was changed to Antes de Morir (Before Dying), which makes sense and gets the point across. Back in the day—that is, the 80s—cartoon characters often had their names “translated.” By translated I mean changed into Spanish names that would perhaps be more palatable for Spanish audiences. I find these names hilarious, and I sometimes even prefer the Spanish names! Here’s a list of some of my favorites:

Triki—Cookie Monster

Cookie Monster Triki (Alternate spellings: Triqui, Triky.) Also known as el monstruo de las galletas, Triki is known for saying, “¡Yo querer galletas!” and “¡Yo comer galleta!”, not exactly the most correct form of Spanish, but he gets his point across.