dating

So You’re Dating a Spaniard—Ashley

So today we have something a little bit different … A Canadian dating a Spaniard! A bit of a change from all of us Americans who just love our Spaniards, but I think we’ll accept her into the group.

I’m Ashley, a 23 year-old Canadian currently living in Castro-Urdiales (Cantabria). I arrived in Spain about a month ago to begin my first year as an English language assistant at a high school. I applied for this program because my boyfriend and I had begun running out of options to stay together as an international couple. And, of course, if we have to choose I think I would pick a mild Spanish winter over a Canadian one anyway!

Canadian Dating Spaniard

How did you meet your significant other?

Borja and I celebrated three years together this past July. We met in June 2011 at the sushi restaurant in central London where we both worked (I was spending the summer there working while on a youth mobility visa and Borja had left Spain some months before to learn English). Somehow, because I didn’t speak any Spanish and Borja spoke only basic English, we clicked and quickly became friends. We found out not long after meeting that we lived about a 15-minute walk from one another- which is nearly unheard of in London- so we began to spend more time together. By the time I was preparing to leave a few months later we had started to make plans for him to visit me in Canada.

Do you feel that your significant other is a “typical” Spaniard?

I think when we first met three years ago Borja was much more of a “typical” Spaniard than he is now. In the time that we have been together I have found that he has changed; he has travelled, improved his second language, lived abroad and grown from it. But I still find him very Spanish despite these changes, especially now that we’re back in Spain! Borja loves good Spanish food, especially the cured meats and old cheeses that are so popular here, and is so happy to have bread with every meal (something he really missed when we lived in Canada). Like any Spaniard he loves to go out and party, and it’s difficult to tear him away from the television when the football match is on! I’m also reminded of the “typical Spanish expressions” that Borja loves to tell me, so if in nothing else he is certainly Spanish in his use of Spanish idioms and sayings.

Canadian Dating Spaniard

Which language do you speak when you’re together?

When we’re together we mainly speak Spanish. I would say 80-percent Spanish and 20-percent English. This is a decision we made quite some time ago to help me improve my Spanish. Borja had already begun to study English when we met and his language skills have improved threefold. I, on the other hand, didn’t speak any Spanish and had to start from the beginning. Three years on and we speak Spanish at home. I’m very glad we made that decision because now I’m comfortable speaking Spanish in just about any situation.

Good for you! How do you deal with the “in-law” issue?

This is a fun question! I first meet Yolanda and José Luis just a few months after meeting Borja. He left Canada to go home for Christmas and I decided to follow for a two-week vacation. I arrived there speaking no more than 3 or 4 sentences in Spanish (and understanding nothing) and they spoke no English. In those three weeks I learned just how warm they truly are. Since that first visit I have spent a summer living with them and have had many visits. I love them both so much and am relieved that Borja has such great parents!

That is so great! I too have great in-laws. What is the best part about dating a foreigner (and especially a Spaniard)?

I think the best part about dating a foreigner is that every day is an adventure. Even after three years together that hasn’t ceased to be true and we have a lot of fun together. Dating a Spaniard is really fantastic. Spanish people are kind and open and, sometimes, quite fiery. Borja also has these characteristics and it makes for a change. He’s definitely different from many of the Canadian guys that I have dated and it’s refreshing to experience. Another great thing about dating a Spaniard is that Spanish people are so relaxed, they are never in a huge rush to do anything; Borja and I pair well because I have endless energy and I always want to be on the move, his relaxed nature means he rolls with my many wild ideas without much complaint.

What is the most difficult part?

In the beginning the most difficult part was expressing our feelings to one another. Having a limited vocabulary in your partner’s first language some times made it difficult to understand what the other wanted to say/how they felt.

Now, I think the most difficult part is the uncertainty of the future. This usually doesn’t factor into our daily thoughts, but every now and again someone will ask us about our future plans and we’re reminded that we don’t really have any. We haven’t made any concrete plans, other than to be together. After three years we have considered all of our possibilities and try to do our best to plan well for our future, especially since the immigration process can be so trying.

What advice would you give someone who is considering starting a relationship with a Spaniard?

I would say go for it! Jump in head first, because only through being open and eager will you find a happy relationship. Remind yourself that there may be difficulties, but difficulties exist in any relationship. And prepare for an adventure because dating a Spaniard is just that!

I love the idea of it being an adventure. Do you plan on living in the Canada or in Spain long term?

I love Canada deeply and a part of me will always be there, but Spain is the long-term plan for us. It is easier for me to get residence in Spain, than it is for Borja in Canada. Just through officially registering ourselves as a common law couple I am able to get 5 years residence in Spain, meaning I can work here legally (outside of the language assistants program if I choose to), and would have access to the same health care as Borja has. Things are much more complicated in Canada and the process is much longer. As well, we’ve chosen Spain for the long term for the life style here. People in Spain work to live, not live to work and we really prefer that sort of lifestyle to the one we felt we had been living back in Canada.

Canadian Dating Spaniard

If you could import something from the Canada to Spain (and vice versa), what would it be?

Can I have two things? My little sister and my doggy without a doubt! Sometimes I start to think about how much I miss them both and I begin to doubt my reasons for leaving Canada. I know I’ve made the right decision for the place I am at right now and for my relationship with Borja, but it’s still difficult to be so far away from them. And since flights to Canada are so expensive, I couldn’t ever take a short week visit just because I feel like I need a visit.

Something from Spain that I would send to Canada would be the hot Spanish sun. My friends and family sure could use some rays in the middle of February!

How has being in a relationship with a Spaniard changed you?

It’s made me happier, without a doubt! Dating a Spaniard has also given me a better appreciation for other cultures and ways of life. Seeing how Borja lives in Spain and letting me be a part of that has shown me that what I may have accepted as different before isn’t so different after all.

Canadian Dating Spaniard

Thank you so much for your interview, Ashley! You two make a great couple. If you want to check out her blog, she blogs at Cómo Perderse en España.

Interested in being a part of my Dating a Spaniard series? Email me; I’d love to have you!

So You’re Dating a Spaniard—Madison

Madison sent in her interview a while ago, so I apologize to her that I’m just getting around to publishing it! Sometimes I even forget about this blog for a little while. Crazy, huh? Anyway, let’s let her introduce herself:

My name is Madison, I’m 23, and I moved to Spain in 2008 when I was 18 to study full time at an American university in Madrid. A few months later I met my husband, Pedro, and in 2010 we got married. We have two children. Our daughter was born in October 2011 and our son was born in February 2013. It’s been a whirlwind to say the least. On top of all that we moved to Frankfurt, Germany a year and a half ago for my Pedro’s work. So now I’m somewhere I never imagined I’d be!

Madison 2

How did you meet your significant other and how long have you been together?

I met Pedro at an language exchange at an Irish pub in downtown Madrid. I was there with some friends and we met Pedro and his friends. We didn’t start dating for a couple months after that though we stayed in touch. We’ve been together 5 years, married 3 and a half.

Do you feel that your significant other is a “typical” Spaniard? If not, why?

Pedro really isn’t the “typical” Spaniard. Oh sure, he enjoys eating tortilla, drinking beer, and watching soccer (stereotyping much?) but to start with he lived on his own when I met him. Many Spanish people tend to live with their parents until they are in a serious relationship and then, after a few years they move out when they reach 30. Pedro bought an apartment when he was 24 only a few minutes walking from his parents’ neighborhood. Still, he was already out younger than most Spanish people I’ve met including the majority of his friends. He had also gotten a firm start in his career by the time we met which I think is unique at the age of 25.

Which language do you speak when you’re together?

We speak English together. When we met my Spanish was not great, but more than that I was embarrassed. So we started our relationship in English and now that I’m fluent in Spanish it just feels more natural to have conversations in English. When around his family we try to mostly speak to each other in Spanish though.

How do you deal with the “in-law” issue?

My in-laws are warm, caring, and very welcoming individuals. From the first day I met them they brought me into the family and I was included in everything family related! When we lived in Madrid we saw them at least once a week for Sunday lunch and they were always ready to help us whenever we needed anything. However, this great positive can also turn into a negative. While my in-laws would never show up unannounced, we do not always see eye to eye on things and my bull-headed nature makes it difficult for us to effectively communicate sometimes. I will swear up and down that I’ve got it right and well, they’ll do the same! However, I don’t really see this as a cultural issue as this could happen with any set of in-laws anywhere. Having children has complicated things even more.

What is the best part about being married to a foreigner (and especially a Spaniard)?

Wow. Loaded question. The best part about being married to a foreigner is being able to learn a whole new culture through the scope of another person. Taking everything with a grain of salt, I’ve learned so much history, culture, and especially language from my Spaniard. Pedro can teach me so much about a world I never knew about and I can do the same for him. The mixing, and sometimes confrontation, of manners, history, etc., can be fascinating.

What is the most difficult part?

This would be hard to pinpoint. If I’m being honest after 5 years together any of the difficult stuff has really just become the typical difficult stuff of any relationship. We’ve all got our good days, bad days, and in betweens.

Madison 3

What advice would you give someone who is considering starting a relationship with a Spaniard?

I would give the same advice I would give anyone. Only get involved if you are truly interested. When dating someone from another country this is even more important that usual because the possibility of staying in another country far from “home” will definitely be there. On the flipside don’t overthink it because you might think you could never stay somewhere for love until you’ve found the right person. So I guess I’d advise being open with a side of caution.

Do you plan on living in the US or in Spain long term?

We had planned on living in Spain long term when Pedro was offered his current job here in Germany. It was an opportunity we knew we had to take or we’d forever be kicking ourselves. It has been a difficult and hectic year and a half since we moved, but I think we’re really starting to love our host country and goodness knows we have no plans to leave anytime soon.

Do you plan on having children? If so, do you plan on raising them bilingual?

As I mentioned earlier we have two children. We are raising them bilingual using the One Parent One Language method. Well, trilingual if they get enough German! Our daughter is two and she is already speaking in both English and Spanish and can understand pretty much anything said in either language. It’s truly incredible to watch her little gears working as she realizes now she’s speaking to mommy and she should say milk instead of leche or come instead of ven.

Madison 4

If you could import something from the US to Spain (and vice versa), what would it be?

If I could import something from the US to Spain it would be cheaper baby things! Yes, parents can be a little boring. And maybe Chipotle. If I could import something from Spain to the US it would be salsa brava hands down. It’s really my favorite thing from Spain!

How has being in a relationship with a Spaniard changed you?

Having been with my husband now for 5 years through so much—finishing college, friendship break ups, career shifts, moving to another country, and having children—the only thing I can say for sure is that my amazing whirlwind dating experience with a Spaniard led to “real life” pretty fast! What I mean to say is that no matter how different or exotic it may feel in the beginning all of that stuff (Spanish, American, blah, blah, blah) tends to fall to the side as other issues in life arise. So I can’t say how being in a relationship with a Spaniard as opposed to an American has changed me. But I am changed by all the life experiences we’ve had together. And , as cheesy as it sounds, I know I don’t want to change back to who I was before.

Madison 1

Thanks Madison! (What cute kids!)

Interested in being a part of my Dating a Spaniard series? Email me; I’d love to have you!

So You’re Dating a Spaniard—5 Years Later

If it’s not obvious enough, I get a lot of blog traffic from people who are curious about dating a Spaniard. Why … It’s not like I’ve written about a lot, is it? Some search terms include:

  • dating a spanish man [Better hope you got a man and not a boy!]
  • dating spanish guys [What this mean, guy?]
  • dating in spain [Sometimes you will go on dates to visit 13th-century cathedrals]
  • why are spaniards so hot [They just are, sizzle sizzle!]
  • dating a spaniard vs dating an american [You will eat more pork]

Guys, I hate stereotyping. Nah, just kidding—stereotyping is the best! So let’s do it. What can I, after five years dating a Spanish man, tell you about the process?

Mario Kaley 2009 SalamancaBack when I didn’t know that much but thought I did (September 2009)

Spanish men are just men.

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So You’re Dating a Spaniard—Constance

Today I’m interviewing Constance! There aren’t many more interviews to go, but I know there’s more of you out there! Constance blogs at Escrito por Coquito.

Constance

My name is Constance but friends and family call me Coco. I’m 23 and have just completed my first school year teaching in Madrid as a language and culture assistant in a Spanish highs school and have renewed for my second year. I first visited Spain when I went on a study abroad trip to Salamanca in 2012. I fell head over heels in love with the country as most tend to do and decided that no matter what, I was going to find a way to go back.

Tell me about him!

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