I’ve Got a Hankerin’

I read a lot of travel blogs, but I also read a lot of blogs based in the USA. I love those blogs because they remind me of home, my roots. At times, though, I have trouble identifying with them. Why? Well, they’ve got a hankering for travel, while I’ve got a hankering for home, sweet home.

My home, as you might say, is nothing anything to write home about. Crawfordsville, IN, will never be named as a UNESCO World Heritage Site. It’s not exactly a tourist attraction. In fact, I’d venture to guess that our out-of-town visitors come solely to visit friends and/or family, and not to see our old jail museum. It’s not beautiful or mountainous or quaint. Our main restaurants include Culvers and Applebees, not top-of-the-line cuisine or fun, ethnic restaurants. There’s not a whole lot to do—that is, as you might have guessed, one of the main complaints of the town’s high schoolers. Boredom. Despite all this, I want to be there. Why? Simple—it’s home.

The word home invokes in me strong emotion. At times, my eyes well up just thinking of the sun shining on our house and the green grass in the summer. Home is comfort, love, relaxation, nostalgia. Home is where I am free to be the unhindered version of myself. Home is a memory, a myriad of memories: grilling on the deck, my first car (a white 1993 Mitsubishi Eclipse), Thanksgiving baking, pumpkin carving, thunderstorms, meals upon meals at the table (always in my spot), but most of all my family.

Since coming to Spain, I’ve realized what a different person I’ve become while here – withdrawn, quiet, more introverted, less prone to raucous laughter or silliness. It’s not Spain’s fault. But I think it is that this isn’t the place for me. It’s not mine. I’ve enjoyed it, met wonderful people (ahem, the nov), ate plates of delicious authentic Spanish food, learned a new language, but it’s not for me. I wanna go home.

6 comments

  1. I totally understand how you feel! People are always asking me how I like Paris and while I enjoy life here, I’m not convinced it will ever really be home for me. I’m a different person here–not bad different, but like you I feel less inclined to be my true self. I’m constantly thinking of how to blend in and trying to live as the French live. It’s tiring and sometimes you just want life to be like home. I hope you have a great time going back home and really enjoy your time with friends and family! I’m super jealous!

  2. I know *exactly* what you mean. I’ve loved my time as an expat, but there’s nothing like home, the place where I grew up, the place where I feel like I belong. Every time I step back on American soil I am just so happy.

    Do you know when you’ll be back in the states again, even it’s just for a visit?

    take care,
    Minh

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