How to Dress Like a Spaniard

Inspired by a post by Brenna from the blog Le Fableaux Destin de Brenna, I would like to help all you ladies out there to look more Spanish. Ya know, in case you were wondering.

    • Never, ever wear shorts. Unless it’s winter and then (and only then), you may wear them. With tights, of course.

    • Have a pair of “house clothes.” These are the clothes you change into immediately upon returning home. These mustn’t be worn on the street under any circumstances, even if you are just going to the grocery store to buy milk. Just don’t do it.
    • Boots, boots, boots. You must own them, and wear them as often as possible. Perhaps even in the shower. You must also own a pair of ankle booties, to be worn with a skirt/tights combo or even a shorts/tights combo if you’re daring. With jeans is okay too.
    • Scarves, dahhhling. This is essential and cheap. They are often sold for €3 in open-air markets and can add a touch of pizzazz to any outfit. Even if you are man (a manly man), fear not. It is completely socially acceptable to wear a scarf and no one will think less of you. You will probably be seen as cool and loved by all the 16 year-olds at your high school.

pañuelo-cuello

Source

  • Wear a beautiful medium-length coat. But it shouldn’t be colorful. No. It should be one of three colors: brown, black, or gray. Do not stray from this pattern. It is only acceptable to stray if you are 60+ and that is because you will be wearing a fur coat, strolling around town with your amigas
  • Wear high heels even when it may cause you to fall to your death on a cobblestone street. You are a bad ass, and you fear nothing.
  • Look sultry. Practice this look in the mirror until you actually become sultry.
  • Wear makeup everywhere, even to take out the trash. Don’t forget your 2039483 bracelets and dangerously large dangly earrings.

 

Assorted Advice:

  • Be thin, but never exercise, only pretend to diet. By pretend I mean say you’ve stopped eating bread.
  • Tote a huge bag and look peeved about it.
  • Do not look where you are going whilst walking on a street and do not, I repeat, DO NOT, ever apologize for bumping into another person.
  • Never ever wear the following: hooded sweatshirts, flip flops anywhere but the beach, gym clothes anywhere but the gym, running shoes, Ugg boots, North Face or similar sports brands, or sports paraphernalia anywhere but a soccer game.

All in all, you must strive to look good at all times. It’s rather exhausting, and I long for the days when I could walk into Kroger, sweaty from my latest workout, and have no one give me a second glance. It’s cool though, Spain, I suppose you’ve made me into a better, slightly more polished person. In turn, I will stubbornly refuse to learn to love any form of Spanish techno/house music. Deal? Deal.

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28 comments

  1. This is spot on and hilarious! I have to send it to my mom, she messaged me the other day asking what to wear when she comes and visits in a month.

  2. “Wear makeup everywhere, even to take out the trash. Don’t forget your 2039483 bracelets and dangerously large dangly earrings.”
    i love this.. such a hilarious take on the truth

  3. aaahaha love it love it!! some more:

    1. you CAN mix neutrals. Black and brown and navy blue and khaki (maybe all in one outfit)? Me vale.
    1.b. You can also mix patterns, provided there is little to no color to speak of in said patterns.
    2. Tights are pants if your shirt almost reaches your crotch.
    3. Haircuts for Women Under 30: Long. Wear it long; keep it well maintained. Unless you are a member of an extremist political group, in which case at least one dreadlock (preferable only one, in fact) and some ratty bangs are mandatory.
    3.b. Women over 30: the day you turn 30 you must cut all. your. hair. off. Haircut must be above the shoulder and extremely practical. The best over-30 haircuts completely hide the fact that you are pretty.

  4. Love it! Kanyi has house clothes too! lol I do too, they’re called pajamas and I really loved going to Marsh in them with you to get movies when you were here!

  5. What a fantastic roundup of Spanish fashion tips! I think that accessories in general are more popular here; rings, bags, hairbands, scarves, brooches for the aforementioned scarves–the more the merrier.

  6. hahaha that post is so fun. But I must say, even though I’m Spanish, I don’t follow all this rules.
    I have really nice colorful coats: red, green, pink… also I have the basic ones: brown, black, grey…
    Sure I’m the only one of my friends with colorful coats, so I guess you are right that people usually don’t wear them, though I love them!

    About, scarves, sure they are a must!

    I like to see how people from abroad see our country.

  7. Sorry I’m so late on commenting on this, but I just found your blog. Quick question, if you only wear shorts in the winter. what in the hell do Spaniards wear in the summer?? I can’t imagine going out in the heat in anything BUT shorts…

      1. lol i knew you were exaggerating a bit, but you’re not the first person i’ve heard from to say that the Spanish don’t really wear shorts. I’m curious, do they wear capris more? I’ve read that a lot of women wear dresses a lot in the summer.

  8. It hasn’t changed that much in a general sense since I studied there in the late 80′s – Spanish women are bold. Black leather minis with net stockings were all the rage then, with impossibly high heels, on those streets, murder. I did the boots, since I am 5’9″ I could get away with 2 inch heels! Recently when I went I wore a lot of dresses – summer and gladiator sandals, 2-3 inch wedge heels with a cushy sole to keep me from hurting. I fit right in with the ladies of my age, the 40-somethings. But I am from the Midwest U.S. we can go out to the grocery store in anything! In Spain, I definitely spent a lot longer getting ready to go out of the hotel! But it was fun to try on a new look.

  9. Some very good observations. A couple more
    As you so righty say sportswear is verboten for most spanish woman, being a tomboy is bad, you’d be banished to england or seek exile there. My GF.

    Puffa jackets MUST be shiny, so they can ‘smart’ and not sporty. Her cousins.

    Once a woman reaches a certain age, on the days when she’s not in her fur, she must go with the head-to-toe in russet or beige look. That’s dyed hair and matching everything else. My mother in law is russet her sister beige

    Sunglasses, Massive to the point of parody and just a little bigger.

    Americans may be surprised, spanish woman can be impossibly glamorous but still have wonky teeth.

    Smoking. chicas les encanta ciggarettes

    To be really like a spanish woman if challenged on your behaviour or attitude snarl ‘i’m a woman’ and if that doesn’t work shout ‘I’m spanish’ now act as though the matter is closed and the court of public opinion has found you right.

    tengo que amarlos

  10. Im doing a spain project from shool and i have to present wearing an outfit that spaniards might wear around this time. What could be a whole outfit that i could wear that day? Por favor ayudame!

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